Looking for the little blue line

So for the last year or so, I have been struggling with something and I don't think I can spend another day not talking about it.

 In January of 2012, me and my husband decided to stop using any and all forms of birth control in an attempt to get pregnant and have a baby.  I had stopped using birth control 6 months prior to this and we had been using condoms up to that point.  My body was still adjusting to not being on birth control and my periods would skip a month or so then bleed a little bit for the normal amount of time and go back to business as usual. I was confident that I was ready to have a baby.

Six months went by...and nothing was happening. My periods were becoming increasingly erratic and I was getting frustrated.  After missing my period for 3 months in a row, I decided to finally go see a doctor.  Our first meeting was okay. We discussed my history and exchanged ideas on what could be going on. A pre-diagnosis of PCOS was determined and some blood was taken to run tests on.  Later, we decided to do a glucose test and see where my blood sugars were. After my result were in, she put me on Metformin and Thyroid medicine because my levels were within the normal range but on the high end of the normal spectrum.

She wanted to see me six weeks after the glucose test, but I couldn't afford to go back. I was not prepared for the financial hardship all these tests would be on our budget. I had no idea how much all this testing would costs, and I was somewhat grateful that I had insurance, even though they only covered about half the costs.

There are times when I truly miss my student health insurance.  The only time I ever had a medical bill when I was in college was when I needed an ultrasound and I had to pay for the outside consultant.  I had unlimited office visits (at the clinic), and I never had to worry about the costs for blood work and/or tests. Almost everything was covered. Granted, I was limited to the clinic on campus, but at the time it was all I needed.  With my current health insurance, I am lucky if my office visit is covered even with a $30 copay.

Now that a year has passed by, I am getting more and more frustrated as each day passes by.  Every time someone asks me why I don't have any kids yet, it feels like I have a dagger in my heart and they are twisting it in even deeper.  It is an innocent question, but they have no idea how much it hurts.  They have no idea that I ask myself that very same question every day.